Lilacs and My Senior Prom

I can’t help but think of my senior high school prom whenever I smell lilacs.

Not because lilacs had really anything to do with prom at all (this was the early 2000’s and high school when flowers and horticultural and plants weren’t really interesting or cool. Kids these days have it so easy) but more to do with the fact that lilacs bloomed in Minnesota in late May, around the time of prom.

Because we were in Minnesota, things didn’t really start warming up until the end of May (with the potential chance of another couple good snowfalls in the month of May). I have since moved to warmer climates where things thaw out a few months prior to May, but the advantage of growing in a colder climate is that everything would start blooming all at once. Poppies, tulips, daffodils, and the lilacs would all burst into bloom all at one time. Cool, right?

Coincidentally, prom would happen around that time as well. Smart parents and teachers probably planned it for that time of year so that you weren’t having to walk through a blizzard and having to pair your fanciest threads with a pair of snowboots (that was winter semi-formal).

I was familiar with lilacs from an early age because my parents had planted a bunch of lilac bushes outside my bedroom window.

Those lilac bushes were pretty vigorous (even in a Zone 4a Minnesota growing climate), growing quickly into large and bushy shrubs that covered the window to provide privacy (their main purpose). I think these lilacs pre-dated the new and improved hybrids of today - just your plain old common Syringa vulgaris - but that did not stop them from having a very prodigious and fragrant bloom season every year at the end of May - i.e. prom season.

Prom was a pretty big thing back then - it was photographs, dinner, dance, and then afterparty. For photographs, I remember distinctly that my large group of friends all got together to take prom photos together. All of us showed up in a large group, dressed up to the gills (as much as a highschooler in the early 2000’s could be) with boutonnieres and corsages pinned and tied and everyone excited for the upcoming event.

This was of course back in the day before smartphones had the capability of taking photos - you would still take the photograph on a digital camera, but then would proceed to have to print off the photos on paper and save them for a photo collage - like this weird digital hybrid moment between the 90’s and the late 2000’s before Facebook was a thing (having to explain this makes me totally feel old, and this is why I don’t have a TikTok).

Stephanie was my date - she was way cooler than me, still is, and I’m grateful that I got to go to prom with her - and if I remember correctly I think we planned out the entire night for the group. Dinner at Buca di Beppo, then we would head off to prom - but first, we would all get ready and take photographs at her parents’ house.

The house was great as a photography background - it had a decent-sized pond as a backdrop (it was Minnesota, everyone had a pond in their backyard) and there were also some very large and beautiful lilacs blooming that served as a nice backdrop (or prop?) for the enterprising prom couples.

I remember posing for those photographs - trying to hold a proper pose, my arm carefully placed on Stephanie’s waist, grinning from ear to ear - and the smell of lilacs all around us. This was back in the day before stressing out about student loans, the pandemic, and all the other burdens that come with adulthood but still having the confidence of an older teenager, knowing that you have a place in the world and that there are good moments that come out of it. These photos would totally would be splashed all over IG these days, but back in those days you lived in the moment and stuff - a simpler, more innocent time.

I don’t remember the actual details of the prom itself very much - there was fondue, and my favorite teacher Mrs. Iverson was there - the amazing student council advisor who had comforted me when I cried after not getting elected to student council as a representative my sophomore year, which of course meant I ran a fantastic campaign and got re-elected both junior and senior year.

But I do remember that after prom was done, we all still hung out well into the night and into the early morning. I think that we went to a Perkins or a Village Inn or something, but then Stephanie and I snuck off to hang out a bit by ourselves. Nothing romantic - I had come out of the closet earlier that year - but we were just enjoying the high of the energy of the night, the seemingly endless time of youth without the push or need for anything at the time, and I think we wanted to stretch it out a bit longer.

After all, the following year we would head to our respective universities. I would get in a fight with Stephanie and our relationship would never really recover from that (which I fully regret, and I am sorry Stephanie and Megan and Ellen who I think I offended the most), but when you’re eighteen and your frontal cortex hasn’t yet formed, you make a lot of stupid choices and say a lot of stupid things.

Maybe part of me knew that change was coming, that our eighteen year-old selves would be scattered across the country to then go on to forge our new lives. That we would grow distant and create new beginnings and personalities and goals for ourselves. And that’s part of growing up - knowing that people in your life are here now, but they may eventually leave. And that’s okay. And some peoplewill return, but some may not, and circumstances may change. And that’s why it’s best to live in the moment and enjoy the good things. Stop and smell the lilacs, so to speak.

And as my eighteen year old self drove home, exhilarated from having spent the entire night out, not wanting it to end, hearing the morning birds start to sing as the sun started to rise, the scent of lilacs was heavy in the morning air as I drove back home (I think if I were to trace my steps back, there were lilacs planted in nearly every yard and corner of the suburban neighborhood I lived in, thus why it smelled so strong. Kudos to the lilac industry for succeeding in pushing their plants!)

I would later get yelled at by my parents who were upset that I had stayed out all night. Not in the usual where-were-you sort of upset, but more of a we’re-super-controlling sort of upset which was the beginning of the end of my relationship with them (before I would break away from the family unit geographically and spiritually) and not understanding that I was the type of person that wanted to stay out all night and spend time with the people I loved and adored and talk about Harry Potter theories until the sun came up. But, the same as to this day, my parents argued that prom wasn’t important, school was important and that if I was to succeed in life I needed to be auditing college classes that summer (the summer before I went to college, which is just as insane and over the top as you think it sounds).

But that was to come later - I slipped into the house, being careful not to wake anybody and snuck downstairs to my bedroom. The window had been left open - it was a hot Minnesota spring night, which meant 40 F - and the scent of the lilac bushes had filled my room.

***

I would later come to really appreciate lilacs as a cut flower - their blooms last forever if you cut them at the right stage - and when we came to this current property there were dozens of old lilacs that had been growing here likely for decades. They bloom every spring with the Western redbuds, putting on a great show of white, light pink and purple blooms, and the garden is truly resplendent with their beauty.

Lilacs work great as a cut flower, just having that sumptuous, elegant form and the beautiful satiny florets and pleasing, familiar flower shape. Most people like lilacs, also having similar associations with fond memories of the blooms and scent, and they are always a treasured addition to bridal bouquets and wedding centerpieces.

We used to buy them in bulk for use in wedding design from a wholesaler as well as clipping them from our own garden to use. Now our lilacs aren’t for business floral design use (our personal garden is off-limits) but we will cut big handfuls (or armfuls) to enjoy in the home when they are in season.

Lilacs are great because they don’t need much else with them - a few branches arranged loosely in a vase or jar will be absolutely beautiful. If you don’t want to cut deeply into your plant to get long stems, just the short stems will be just fine.

If you don’t have lilacs in your garden, you may be able to find a friend to clip from. When in university I used to live in a neighborhood where we had a neighbor with lilacs growing as gigantic bushes with hundreds of blooms, and I would clip a single bloom to enjoy - just a few inches long, small enough to where it wouldn’t hurt the plant and it wouldn’t be too overwhelming. Just make sure you gain permission before cutting - always respect the plant and their caretakers.

Funny enough, although I have a much different life than I did at eighteen - one with a wonderful and funny and handsome husband who gardens along with me and loves lilacs just as much as I do - to this day, when I smell lilacs I still think of that night at prom and the beginning of my adulthood so many years ago.

How to Harvest Lilacs as a Cut Flower

1. The proper stage to harvest lilacs is when they are budded, and before they’re open. The reason for this is that if the buds are open, the lilacs are already halfway to dead - they’re just further along their senescence compared to the unopened buds (some people like harvesting them when open - I like cutting them when in bud form because I have less issues with hydrating them and wilting but it’s up to your personal preference).

   FLOWER FARMERS: If you’re a grower that’s looking to sell lilacs - either wholesale or to retail customers - you’ll want to harvest when in bud form to ensure the longest vase life possible. Budded branches will last quite a while in the cooler - we find that they are able to last a couple weeks holding in the cooler - so you can harvest and store them until you’re ready to sell.

2. You can even cut lilacs when they haven’t leafed out yet, but the branches are budding - they will still continue to grow and open if you put the branches in water. The French are famous for their ability to force lilacs in cool dark caves and have perfected the art of cultivating lilacs as a result. Just be warned that the resulting flowers will not be as glorious and full and colorful - but they will still be enjoyable.

3. I highly recommend stripping the foliage from lilacs. More leaves mean more areas where the plant can transpire and lose moisture, which means a higher chance of wilting. Plus, we’re all here for the flowers of the lilac (not necessarily the foliage) so that’s why I recommend to take the foliage off.

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